So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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