my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
