This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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