I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
