Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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