i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
