yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
