All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
