Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
