it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize