Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
