I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
