That's intense
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
