turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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