I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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