Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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