I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
