dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
