i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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