you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
