Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
