It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
