Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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