Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
