uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
