That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
