I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
