4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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