Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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