So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
