You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
