I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
