I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
