I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
