i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
