he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The ass gains better be worth it
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