found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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