we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
