so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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