sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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