My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
