Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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