Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
