Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
