so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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