I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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