Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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