I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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