like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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