that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
