oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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