Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
