Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
