none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
