I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
