I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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