Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im six kinds of drunk right now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
