6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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