You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
