In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
