i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
