stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
