i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
