i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
