Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
