At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
