Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
